Wow Vs. Sex the ultimate struggle

**zenocide** · 09-14-2007

I do not claim credit for writing this I just merely thought it was worth sharing. Enjoy!

Why is WoW better than sex?

The answer to this question; Surprisingly; required an immense amount of thought and deliberation. After several days of mind-numbing thought processes I have come up with a single, mind-blowing answer.

It's not

The purpose of this article is to try to put forward some of the more pertinant
reasons behind the conlusion I have arrived at. I hope you all find this as
educational as I have.

1) It's harder to get to level 70 than it is to get laid. You can pay for both and
save the hassle completely, but for some reason a hooker is cheaper than a midget asian powerleveller; You also receive the benefits substantially faster. Hookers don't take 17 days to produce results.

2) When you **** up in the sack; You're only disappointing one person. When you **** up in wow, you're usually disappointing between 2 and 24 people. I don't know about you, but I can't handle that level of responsibility. It's also easy to give a girl a fake phone number and never see her again; It's another story trying to avoid the 24 people you just let down in WoW. That is of course, unless all you do is solo and 2v2 arena; In that case it's just as bad as ******* up in the sack, just without the pleasurable payoff.

3) Sex costs what (Providing you're not paying for the women herself), the price of a rubber. At worst, perhaps dinner, a movie or just a cheap bottle of grog too. WoW on the other hand; Costs AUD$80 to buy both games (So far) and AUD$15/month to continue playing. That's an aweful lot of money to spend on something that I can't take a picture of and showoff to all my friends to make them jealous.

4) When you're trying to get laid; You have to talk to the girl, make conversation, pretend you give a **** about her, her life, her hobbies, the pet cat she had that died when she was 7 and how beautiful and moving the funeral was; All that horse-****. Is it worth it in the end? Only just. The gratification you get from the resulting sex, barely outweighs the eye-gouging boredom and self-destructive, emo thoughts that plague you while you endure the aforementioned tortures.

Now, multiply that by the number of people in your raid, or worse, your entire
guild. I think the only thing worse than having to pretend to care about soo many people you clearly don't give a **** about; Is the fact that not only do you not have an orgasm afterwards, but you have to do it day in and day out, indefinitely; Until you are inevitably forced to committ suicide.

5) Paladins. Seriously. When was the last time you were about to get your freak on with some hottie and she bubble-hearthed. That's right; Never.

It was at this point in my deliberations that my brain froze. Was this really
happening? How the hell could sex possibly be better than WoW? I wracked my brain for countless more hours, trying to think of some counter-arguments to these very solid, undeniable points. I was alas; Unable to. I decided at this stage it was time to give up. I was never going to be able to prove that WoW is in fact superior to sex; I should just stop trying now before I drum up anymore 'sex is superior to wow' propaganda. It was time to get out and get laid once again.

That night, I was out at a bar with some mates; There were a few cute girls sitting in the corner nearest us and I clearly noticed them looking in our direction. So I made a move. I went over and asked them if they'd like my friends and I to join them. They giggled amongst themselves and happily said yes. One drink led to another which in turn led to tequila shots. The next thing I remember is one of the girls (I think this one was Stacey), tugging at my shirt and cursing when it got stuck on my elbow (It's times like this I wish I could itemrack IRL). After a few minutes of drunken confusion our clothes were finally off and I was sitting there, opening the rubber I kept in my wallet for just such occasions.

Like a thunderbolt tossed down from heaven by Zeuss himself, it struck me; Here I was, about to get busy with this little hottie who's name I barely knew and all it'd cost me was a few beers, a few shots of tequila and this magical little device called a condom. How stupid could I have been to think that WoW could ever compete with this. Needless to say this realisation took mere seconds and in no time, my little warrior had his armour on and was plunged into combat.

After we'd been going for a while, I began to tire of the same old position so I
leaned down and whispered in her ear "Hey, jump up and turn around, I wanna take you from behind!". Instantly; She froze. Her eyes widened in shock and disgust. I think I must've triggered her melee haste proc because she slapped me faster than a middle-eastern mongoose pouncing on a 3 legged lizard. I felt a shuffling underneath me as she jumped out of the bed, leaving me hanging there, alone and unfulfilled. I turned around as the stars began to clear, to see her slamming the door as she stormed out. It was then that it dawned on me.

WoW is better than sex. Why?

Because rogues don't need permission to do it from behind.