[SHORT-STORY] On the sidewalk Bleeding

[Henessy]

/masterlooton MyLootNo!!!!!!

[Jadd]

This. Story. Was. Not. SHORT!?!!?

[Teh Megazord]

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM

don't kill me.


IMO you shouldn't explain so much in the begginning, let it unfold, don't explain the jacket but tell it later off in the story.

Also " He lay on the sidewalk with the March rain drilling his jacket and drilling his body and washing away the blood that poured from his open wound."


To many drills and ands for one sentence to handle.

[Deadly Tomato]

And then and then and then...

IF YOU SAY AND THEN ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR TO GOD...

Etc

[Henessy]

I didn't write the story... Don't be blamin' me!

[ReidE96]

Rewrite and improve then?

[2dgreengiant]

how the **** is that a short story :P

[[Ban Hammer]]

TL;DR (10char)

[Dombo]

TL;DR (10char)

The story was better then yours.

[Henessy]

(:
(Fillers)

[Cryt]

I enjoyed this quite a lot.

Great symbolism. The author was obviously trying to get a message across about all the people in the world that die without a name. And of course, the rest of the world only seeing those lost as nothing more than their skin color / ethnicity(The Jacket). I would also go as far as to say that the alley being off and hidden represents the areas of the world people don't give a rat's ass about. that and so much more, I just don't feel like making all the connections for you guys.

that or the author was just trying to get people to read his story by tricking everyone. after all, how many people thought this was about a girl on her period?

Anyways, I loved it. Bravo!

[idusy]

I really did click on it thinking "I bet this is about Jess having her period on the sidewalk"

But then I started to read and I thought "I bet this end's with 'send dis 2 10 people in 10 min or dis boi will be at the end of ur bed tonite wit da same nife dat killed him 2 KILL U' "

Both owed to Jess' avatar I guess...

But in all seriousness, this story sucked really bad.

[Henessy]

Maybe YOU should start appreciating literature.

[idusy]

Who is YOU?

I do appreciate literature when it's good, so I don't see your point.