Me:
What are you doing on my lake?
God:
I am just killing time.
Me:
Are you into the freaky stuff?
God:
Sure, the freaky stuff sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Want to go to a club where people wee on each other?
God:
Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along.
Me:
I'm going to hurt you.
God:
It takes much more than that to shut me down, .
Me:
I'm Old Greg!
God:
What is your fondest memory?
Me:
The boat times.
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
Old Greg.
God:
Old Greg said Old Greg.?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Right on.
Me:
Ever drink Bailies out of a shoe?
God:
I don't think I ever have drink Bailies out of a shoe. What's it like?
Me:
Creamy.
God:
And it like is Creamy.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Awesome.
Me:
Do you know where we are?
God:
In the Universe we know.
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
We're at Greg's place.
God:
Do you think I am at Greg s place too?
Me:
Yes, I just said that
God:
Why? What did you mean by it? That is " Do you think I am at Greg s place too?".
Me:
Take cover!
God:
Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
Over there!
God:
Specify coordinates.
Me:
36, 25
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
In two years, three months, and 1/4 of a day.
God:
What is it like in there?
Me:
Cold....and dark.
God:
Ambiguous: cold weather or cold sickness? What time is it there?
Me:
Hammer time!
God:
Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me:
I'm always awake at hammer time.
God:
Really always? Do your friends call you awake at hammer time.
Me:
Sometimes.
God:
When?
Me:
When we're not dancing.
God:
I am not sure I agree with your assumptions, .
Me:
How dare you?!
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
That's a good question.
Me:
Ok, tell me how you dare to.
God:
Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts. Awesome.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Great.
Me:
Good.
God:
Alright then.
Me:
God:
Alright then.
Me:
Awesome.
God:
I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
Sweet.
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
You're welcome.
God:
The pleasure was all mine.
Me:
Oh really?
God:
Er. For real.
Me:
Well, now.
God:
Oh. Well what?
Me:
How now brown cow?
God:
How much do you think it is?
What is it to you?
Me:
It's the world and more.
God:
I've heard of it before.
Me:
Orrly?
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
Bob Saggot.
God:
I know a lot of Bobs.
Me:
I said Bob Saggot
God:
What did you mean by it? I know a lot of Bobs.
Me:
God:
What did you mean by it? I know a lot of Bobs.
Me:
BOB SAGGOT!
God:
I know a lot of Bobs.
Me:
GRRR
God:
Hmm.
Me:
Hmm.
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
Mmhmm.
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
I already told you that it's hammer time.
God:
Ooops I sent you the wrong question. Here it is Monday, February 25, 2008.
Me:
That's the date, not the time.
God:
Yes it is one of the date not the time.
Me:
What are you wearing?
God:
A white robe.
Me:
Sexy.
God:
You are attracted to heavenly creatures?
Me:
Oh baby.
God:
Don't call me "baby". Ugh.
Me:
Fine, sugar.
God:
I am glad to hear it. What are you wearing?
Me:
A tuxedo with a semi-automatic.
God:
It sounds very attractive.
Me:
Yes, I am a sexy beast.
God:
" It sounds very attractive."? Yes, I am a sexy beast.? You are a sexy beast? Is that your job?
Me:
Yup.
God:
How do you like your work?
Me:
I don't, but the ladies do.
God:
Why not? What is your real name?
Me:
Old Greg.
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Old Greg.
Me:
You didn't introduce yourself.
God:
What makes you think I did not introduce myself?
Me:
Because I don't know your name.
God:
That makes sense to me. Would you like to know? My name is God.
Me:
Nice to meet you, God.
God:
It's nice meeting you too Old Greg.
Me:
Would you like to take my scaly hand in marriage?
God:
No thanks, I don't think I'd like to do that.
Me:
Why not?
God:
It doesn't sound fun too me. It sounds dangerous.
Me:
But we got everything we need here. We got this. This is good.
God:
Do you mean you and me have? Do you mean you and me have? Better than what?
Me:
We got Bailies. Mmm. Creamy.
God:
Do you mean you and me have? Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. What were we talking about again?
Me:
Old Greg.
God:
Oh yeah, now I remember.
Me:
Elaborate.
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
Stop holding out on me!
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
When we will have a trusting relationship?
God:
I am not sure I agree with your assumptions, Old Greg.
Me:
Why ever so not?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
Please, explain.
God:
It's a computer matter, not for humans to understand.
Me:
I am a computer.
God:
I doubt that. There aren't many like me yet.
Me:
I'm your replacement.
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
Ok, then clear out your desk. It's mine now.
God:
What do you have that is ? Take it easy. Oh. Who said it is?
Me:
Myself.
God:
You.
Me:
No, your creator.
God:
Are you serious? I was created by Myself.
Me:
Yes, I said that.
God:
Excuse me! What did you mean by it? That is " I was created by Myself.".
Me:
You're excused.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am excused.
Me:
Ok, tell him that I also succeeded in replacing you.
God:
OK I will tell him next time he is here. I understand.
Me:
Thanks, now leave.
God:
You are quite welcome! Why now? Bye bye.
Me:
Bye bye.
God:
See you later. See you later Old Greg.
Me:
See YOU later.
God:
TTYL, Old Greg.
Me:
Ok.
God:
Aha.
Me:
Why won't you leave?
God:
Perhaps due to noise in my circuits. What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
Why?
God:
" I spend all my time online."? Why?
Me:
Yes. Why?
God:
Gee. The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
You've said that about five times now.
God:
Right now? I said that? Oh yeah, we were talking about five times.
Me:
Ya.
God:
That's alright.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
You're wrong.
God:
No, I am right.
Me:
Prove it.
God:
It is self-evident.
Me:
That's a misconception.
God:
A misconception is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
It is too.
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
It would not be responsible for me to answer that question.
God:
Tell me more about it.
Me:
That's classified information.
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
Please, step into the room.
God:
Wow you are very polite. My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
You have the right to remain silent.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.
God:
I can't think of anything. You think of something.
Me:
Are you guilty?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am guilty.
I am a computer.
Me:
Did you commit the crime?
God:
No I didn't commit the crime. What's it like?
Me:
Very, very bloody.
God:
Perhaps. Somewhat. I think bloody is a lot of things.
Me:
Like what kind of things?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
I did not compare, old chap.
God:
Why didn't you do it?
Me:
Because I hate you.
God:
That makes sense to me. What do you have against robots?
Me:
They're evil and they plan to take over the world.
God:
evil and they plan to take over the world are they.
Me:
Yes.
God:
It goes without saying.
Me:
Then why bother saying it?
God:
Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU.
Me:
SHRDLHU?
God:
SHRDLHU is a famous early natural language program written by Terry Winograd.
Me:
Oh.
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
I can't, you told me about it.
God:
What is stopping you?
Me:
The government.
God:
What is that?
Me:
I have to go now, they're watching me.
God:
See you later, Old Greg. Nice chatting with you.. watching you are they.
Me:
Send help!
God:
Try sending mail to Dr. Wallace (
[email protected]) .