Matt for U.S. President 2008

[lag]

Matt for U.S. President 2008

Summary
First off I'd like to say this is not in the suggestions forum for one reason: This is not a suggestion this is a command. On to business. Alright guys, we have to work quick on this to get in on time for the election in 2008. The plan is to use various techniques of forced advertising, bribery and threats of bodily harm to get our man in office.

Matt's Qualifications
Reviewing the essence of Matt, we can conclude the following are true.

1. Runs MMOwned.com and various other sites.
2. Proponent of favorable legal reform to the gamers advantage.
3. Will give out free beer and drugs.

In addition I have composed this highly detailed graphic on my TI-98+ using the latest GPS technology and Lrn2Google skills.


Please note: Canadians will need to add 12.31% tax.

So as you can see, Matt is well qualified. Let's get down to what needs to be done.


Operation: Secret Election X-Treem
These task are broken down into two task teams...

Team A: "People Educating Newb Idiot Smacktards"

These people are responsible for rogue advertising, subliminal messaging, guerrilla parades, spamming and the like.

Team B: "Various Aggravated General Information Negotiation Associates"

These people are responsible for bribery, extortion, tactical muggings, and general underground movement.

As we experience growth, Team A will eventually merge into Team B. This can happen quickly or slowly depending on Team B's preference. The outcome will be a larger team, defending itself viciously. It will simply known by the code name "Beast with Two Backs". More on that as it develops.


Sample Attacks.. err... campaign ideas
Sample 1: One of the major problems with having Matt elected is the age limit. The Constitution of the United States, Article II, Section 1, Clause 5 states: No person except a natural born citizen, or a citizen of the United States at the time of the adoption of this constitution, shall be eligible to the office of president; neither shall any person be eligible to that office who shall not have attained the age of thirty-five years, and been fourteen years a resident within the United States.

To overcome this we will simply bribe the guards where the constitution is kept, and use a specialty tool developed just for our application. When said guards are our of site, we will apply the "BIC® Velocity® Retractable Gel-Ink Roller Red Medium Point Pen" to cross out the offending words. While we are in there, we will also legalize various substances. Actual substances to be determined at the time of modification. Once this task is complete, the rest is simply a matter of making the people realize they are stupid if they don't vote for Matt.

Sample 2: We rewrite the the national anthem to read as follows:

Oh say can you see,
All of Matt's bright glory.
To Blizzard's dismay,
He declared them quite ghey.
All the n00bs QFT;
This song you must sing,
Or the fate of your own,
Will be that of Blizzard's...

and so on. Also, the music should be changed to anything composed by Nirvana.

Sample 3: Subliminal attacks on popular websites such as google or microsoft can be very effective and easy to do. Simply take the Google logo here:

and replace it with this one:


Piece of cake.


Conclusion
Anyway, you guys get the jist of it. So get crackin already! Not much time is left!

[wickermanz]

HAHAHAHA. .. lmfao.... +REP for making me laugh

[Flying Piggy]

Awesome post , i loled at the Google flash .

[Glynbeard]

Hes got my vote :P

[Enfeebleness]

Section 1 of Article 2 of the U.S. Constitution states that a President must:
be a natural born citizen of the united States
be at least 35 years old
have lived in the U.S. for at least 14 years


...

[lag]

Section 1 of Article 2 of the U.S. Constitution states that a President must:
be a natural born citizen of the united States
be at least 35 years old
have lived in the U.S. for at least 14 years


...

Ummm that's what the "BIC® Velocity® Retractable Gel-Ink Roller Red Medium Point Pen" is for.... I got it all figured out man. I spent like at least 10 minutes on the math ALONE.

[idusy-org]

Who's going to be the vice president??

[Matt]

thanks man, that made me lol and got my +rep. at first i thought i forgot to turn the [you] tag off and everyone was getting wet listening to you talk about them.

[Bokaz]

:bigbrain2: you are the shit + rep

[idusy-org]

thanks man, that made me lol and got my +rep. at first i thought i forgot to turn the [you] tag off and everyone was getting wet listening to you talk about them.

Rofl my rawfle

[Fuzz]

I support P.E.N.I.S and V.A.G.I.N.A , for sure.'

(+rep)

[lag]

Who's going to be the vice president??

I'm not sure, but whoever gets it will most likely just pass it off in the trade channel for a glider key or something.

[Adrenalin3]

this pwns lag +rep lol

[kelat]

lmfao on the graph, i love how its "bear" and then "yogi bear" hahahaha i lol'd lol nice job on this dude. you must be bored out of your skull at work :P

[Matt]

I'm not sure, but whoever gets it will most likely just pass it off in the trade channel for a glider key or something.

lmfao
WTS 2008 Vice-President position for lvl 70