Tutorial: How to be Sarcastic

[Alkhara Majere]

How To Be Sarcastic: A Beginners Guide

Before I begin, I would like to point out that I am fully aware that some of the writing on this site is not even close to being sarcastic; but that is ok, because this is Matt's web site, and I can do with it as I please (to a point).

Now that we have that cleared up let us get to the topic at hand.

I should, however, include another caveat in order to avoid emails from idiots thinking that I am indirectly singing my own praises.

By no means do I consider myself intellectually superior to you. Just because I am trying to teach you something that is usually innate and comes easy to those who are clever and intelligent, or at least quick-witted, does not mean that I presume to think myself your superior, and expect that you genuflect before me.

Tutorial: How to be Sarcastic

As mentioned above sarcasm is usually innate; however, if you would still like to attempt developing this ability, your chances of success would be greatly increased if you are intelligent, or at the least not mentally incapable of detecting and reproducing sarcastic remarks. Because if you cannot make your very own sarcastic comments, you can still pass as having some grasp of this art by being able to recognize sarcasm when it is produced by someone else, and be able to retain it in memory long enough to use it at a later time when that particular sarcastic remark would be relevant.



Lesson One: What Is Sarcasm?

As with any subject of study, it is always helpful, nay, necessary to learn the terms of art that relate to the subject. In this case it will be easy since by simply knowing the definition of the word ‘sarcasm' should be enough to point you in the right direction.


Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary


Note: If you are having trouble understanding the definition of the word ‘sarcasm', perhaps your time would be best used tackling another field of study.


Exercise: Memorize the definition of the word ‘sarcasm'. Make sure that you can recite it word for word, and at the same time understand what you are saying. This is very important, because the definition will be crucial in completing your next exercise.

Lesson Two - Finding People Who Are Capable of Sarcasm

In order to be able to recognize sarcasm, you will need to hear a lot of sarcastic comments, and to pay close attention to the nuances that make an otherwise simple comment into a sarcastic sting. To do this, you will need regular access to one person who is a natural at being sarcastic. The easiest place to start would be the people you already know. Although it is unlikely that you will have a friend or acquaintance who is clever enough to be sarcastic -- being that you are not sarcastic yourself*-- it is still worth evaluating your friends.


Note: If the initial search leaves you empty-handed (which is highly likely), please do not be discouraged. The next few paragraphs that follow will outline a course of action to acquire at least one avenue to situate yourself where sarcasm can be recognized and studied.
If you have exhausted the first step of your search, it is now time to expand your quest beyond the limited scope of your friends and acquaintances.


Note: If your search is taking too long and you feel that you may be losing some of what you had learned in Lesson One, then you must take some time to review the definition that you memorized (and hopefully grasped) in that lesson.


The easiest way to recognize people from whom you can learn is to listen when people talk. If someone uses words that you do not understand, or perhaps makes a comment which induces laughter in others but does not strike you as whimsical at all, then you can almost always be certain that you have located someone who is capable of sarcasm. But be careful not be misled by a comment that is merely an ‘inside joke'.
In addition to the technique mentioned above (which may be very time-consuming and at times confusing) you can use a more direct approach. When you hear something that you do not understand which causes laughter among some (if not all) who are present, then simply as the speaker if he was being sarcastic. This will most likely make you seem silly or stupid, but you must remember to concentrate on your goal, and not allow some embarrassment to dishearten you.
By asking if a particular comment was meant to be sarcastic you will be accomplishing two things. First, you will more often than not get a response to your question and gain experience in recognizing sarcasm. Second your odd question may be deemed a joke, and garner laughs of its own which would put you a step closer to being more friendly with the people you are trying to learn from.
Repeat the above exercise as often as possible. As you gain more experience, attempt to decide whether a comment is ‘sarcastic' or ‘not sarcastic' before asking the question. This way you assess your abilities and progress.
Once you are confident that you can recognize sarcasm, it is time to move to Lesson Three.


Note: Sometimes a mere alteration in tone and cadence can transform an innocent remark or reply into a sarcastic gem.
*As previously discussed, though you may not be dim-witted, it is highly likely that you do not have the requisite intelligence, wit, or cleverness to attract members of the intelligentsia as friends or acquaintances.


Lesson Three - Memorizing and Reciting Sarcastic Comments

The exercise for this lesson is rather straightforward: memorize and repeat.
Every sarcastic comment that you identify should be memorized; write it down if you have to – You can get a small notepad and pen at your local stationary store. Always be sure to make a mental or written note (it is best to make a written note) detailing the situation in which the sarcastic remark was made.


Note: If you are really serious about your studies, you should also note the affect that the sarcastic remark had.


As soon as you have your first annotated sarcastic remark, try to use it. Do not wait to collect a sizable number of sarcastic comments before attempting to use them; this will confuse you at best. Practice as much as you can.


Note: You will make mistakes, but do not let those mistakes discourage you. If you are serious about your studies, simply learn as much as you can from your mistake and move on.


Lesson Four - Making Original Sarcastic Comments

This will be the hardest portion of your studies, because it requires that you develop your own thoughts. As with any new venture, there will be mistakes; as mentioned before, if you are serious about learning, then just learn from it and move on.
After every attempt at being sarcastic ask questions, ‘Was that sarcastic?', ‘Did you think that my comment was clever?'. Learn from your mistakes, and do not be afraid to ask for help to further develop the comments that you find are not sarcastic.
This exercise should be repeated until you can at least make a successful sarcastic comment fifty percent (half) of the time. But be sure to not become complacent, repeat your exercises once in while. The saying ‘Practice makes perfect' is something you should keep in mind. However, make sure that you do not overexert yourself in trying to always be perfect with your sarcasm. Just be happy with the abilities that you have developed.


Good luck!

Props to the folk at http://www.sarcasmsociety.com/howtobesarcastic/

[Glynbeard]

wicked thread Mejere, now i can make sarcastic remarks to all me teachers :P +rep

[Alkhara Majere]

I plead contemporary insanity. How do I set the laser printer to stun?

[Detzett40]

LoL just today my math teacher was giveing a lesson and me and another kid were talking and she goes "Hey would you guys stop talking back there?" and I go "Oh, just try and block us out... Trust me it's easy to do I do it to you all the time"
got in trouble for this one but i have figured out that our senior principle is tight so if we skip enough detentions then he forgets about it instead of giving a saturday.

[Spazzoid]

im often scarcastic, almost always to scarcastic, so much to the point it gets mean and i get reported. I have been reported by the noobish alliance so many times that i got a 1 month ban, so i bought a new card and made a horde account and brought the alliance to hell with FROSTSHOCK!


^_^

[wicked jt]

this is a thread on how to be sarcastic?
i thought it was an AA meeting

[Alkhara Majere]

this is a thread on how to be sarcastic?
i thought it was an AA meeting

I see what you did there.

[wicked jt]

I see what you did there.

Your detecting sarcasm skill has increased to 74.

[mjerr]

whats an "AA meeting"?

[Alkhara Majere]

whats an "AA meeting"?

Alcoholics Anonymous

[Snitch]

I wish I was sarcastic. I'd then be able to make up witty remarks to pointless threads.

Snitch

[Alkhara Majere]

I wish I was sarcastic. I'd then be able to make up witty remarks to pointless threads.

I C WAT YOU DID THER

[Snitch]

I C WAT YOU DID THER

If you didn't then I'd of been... actually I doubt I would have been suprised at all.

Snitch

[The Mars Volta]

As if anyone would actually use this post.

[Snitch]

As if anyone would actually use this post.

Now your being god damn offensive.

Snitch