How Not To Suck At Warcraft

[Alkhara Majere]

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How To Not Suck At World of Warcraft
A Beginner's Guide
by: Toolio

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I decided to make this tutorial because I've met a lot of cool, curious WoW players during my journey. Their thirst for knowledge and general appetite for progression is truly inspirational. I've said before that I consider myself a true student of the game and I truly enjoy the opportunity to share my gaming prowess with people who are interested.

This is my first tutorial, though rest assured that I've given many in-game ass-chewings, so the art of instruction is not foreign to me. Don't worry... I'll try not to address you in a condescending tone during the course of this instruction. I can be hard, though, because I usually do so much better than everyone else that it's hard to not talk to people like they're dumb. If you see any errors, please feel free to email me or pst me in game.

These next few nuggets of wisdom are geared toward the first-time player. The World of Azeroth (don't worry about Outlands - It's a waste of time) can be very intimidating. Especially if you were like me and transitioned to WoW directly from playing your Sega Master System.

Here are some things you should know as you're starting your journey:

• Dancing naked in the center of a main city is ALWAYS good for a few laughs. If you're a female, it's good for a few other things as well. This is one of the best ways to make money. People will call you SNES or DOUCHE. These are WoW acronyms and are actually compliments.

• If you ask a high level ally for gold or free loot (because come on, they're high level. They MUST have tons of gold!) and they don't give it to you; chances are they're actually a member of the opposing faction masquerading as your ally. Call them out. Make sure to /spam the chat channels and /yell so that they can be dealt with accordingly. Look for help from other allies, but make sure you ask them for gold first just to confirm that they are who they appear to be and not an accomplice to the other person who won't give you money.

• If you're going to call in sick from work so you can stay and home and play, do it on Tuesdays. It's like booking a plane ticket; you're not going to try and fly out on a Wednesday! Everyone knows it's mad-crazy in airports on Wednesdays. Same for Warclap. 'Cept it's not mad-crazy. But only on Tuesdays. Not Wednesdays.

• Stay away from any quest involving Hogger. More about that here: http://forums.worldofwar.net/showthread.php?t=390704

• Want to have a pet but don't want to be a hunter? It's cool. Blizzard was thinking of you when they made caged pets. Cats. Birds. Chickens. Roaches. Parrots. Bunny Rabbits. Slugs. You can have them all. And you can have them all out at once, too. But here's the stip (I shortened the word 'stipulation' because it sounds cooler) you can only have all the animals out at once if you own more than 4. Got it? So if you only have 3 pets, you can't have them all out at once. It's something that the devs implemented to prevent people from destabilizing the economy or server. They have their reasons. So if you're a hunter or a warlock, you can up to 5 pets out at once! You'll be the coolest mobile-zoo on the server!

• Can I borrow some gold? No? ENEMY WITHIN! ENEMY AT THE GATES! (see how I did that?)

• The LFG (looking for Gold) feature can be tricky. It was nice of Blizz to incorporate a feature for players that need money, but the thing is that when there are like three or four people LFG who actually gets it? Still don't understand how that part works, but last I heard the GMs were devising a plan to fix it. I suggest they have all the players LFG meet in a LFG battlegrounds and mash it out for who gets to borrow the gold.

• Sometimes LFM can have another meaning: Lawlz Face Melter (usually a derogatory term used to identify priests and bards).

• Power leveling services are usually great. The only time they suck is when you get reported. But a true WoW player won't let something like a 3-day ban keep you from playing. It's totally worth it.

• There's only 1 thing you need to know if you had your character power leveled from 1 to 60; after you log on, immediately PWN FACE! Go straight to the battlegrounds and whoop tail. Go ganking in some low-lvl territory and PWN FACE! It feels soooo good to /urinate on the corpse of the opposition and PWN FACE!

• If you die and there isn't a priest/druid/shammy/paladin around, look for a hunter and a mage. Why? Hunters can only rez pets, and a mage can turn you in to a sheep. Voila! Blizz hasn't caught wind of this exploit yet so keep it on the down low. I just did it the other day and it worked like a charm. Saved me a long corpse run.

• A corpse run is when you get killed and have to run back to your body. Most people don't have time for this (what an inconvenience!) so we just ask the spirit healer to rez us. It temporarily reduces some of your stats and stuff, but it's not a big deal. "Time is money" and I don't have time to run back to my corpse TYVM.

• Your tradeskills are the best way (aside from LFG, dancing naked, and begging) to make money. And the bonus is that if you level both of your trade skills up past 300 you are eligible to start a third skill called "Bedazzling" which lets you change the color and look of your gear. A few sequins here, some glitter there and BAM! You look like no one else in game. What did you think all those pearls and gems were for? lawlz noob! Evidently Blizzard got tired of all the characters looking the same so they gave us this option to spice things up a bit. Nice!

• Don't bother joining a guild; make your own! All other guilds want to do is make you conform to their rules. They try to intimidate you with acronyms like DKP and GTFO and QQ and other technical end-game jargon. Why fall prey to that when you can just make your own guild - and acronyms? The earlier you start the better. There's nothing more powerful in game than being a level 17 Guild Master. Trust me. You get mad respect. My guild has an acronym. It's YTMND. Know that one? Damn right you don't. 'Cause you're not in my guild. (unless you are in my guild. or you want to be in my guild. pst me in game)

• The auction house is your friend. You can single-handedly alter the baseline price of certain materials if you play the AH right. For example, I bought out all the ruined leather pelts for 1g a stack then re-listed them for 2g a stack. Now whenever they sell (be persistent - I'm on my 7th re-list) I'll be making phat loot. People need they're pelts and now I'm the exclusive distributor. You can totally monopolize the market!

• When people offer to pay someone to run them through an instance, do it. But make sure you get paid up front. And if they try and tell you that you're not high enough, just /lol at them and say, "Duh. This my alt. My main is a [insert level here] face melter!"

• If you're trying to sell something in the trade channel for 400gold and someone offers you 20g, STICK TO YOUR GUNS. Not only will people exploit you, but bargaining with people will get you a reputation as being the server softy. I had that moniker once and it took a while to shake it. But I only regained my status as The Best on the server by being frigid about selling my wares. Someone will only pay you the amount of gold for which they find an item to be worth. Make sense?

• Quests are for dummies. Grinding for experience is the wave of the future gamer. Why bother dealing with NPCs (Non-Payable Characters - this means they don't pay you enough) when you can just go kill stuff? Right out of the gate you should be killing everything in sight. If that cow is in your way, unmake its aliveness. Sometimes I even try to kill friendlies just to see what they drop.

• Do you know what a GM is? A GM is a Game Master. They are in charge of making sure that random things happen to you at random intervals. In the middle of slaying a herd of murlocs and all the sudden you're polymorphed in to a llama? GM did it. Flying from Stormwind to Ironforge (take the tram you dumbass!) and the next thing you know you're falling from the sky? GM did it to keep you on your toes. Also, if you got ganked, chances are it was by a GM. They have access to all the Legendary gear which basically means they are impossible to beat. I know for a fact that I'm the best PVP (Player Versus People) on my server and when I get jumped and actually killed (lawlz - rarity) it must have been a GM w/ some crazy Uber Elite Sword of the Mule (http://www.wowitemcreator.com/view/1..._the_Mule.html) which grants them +instakill and +facemelt and all that. It's true.

• If you're faced with a question while playing the game, don't bother asking people. Makes you look weak and stupid. No one wants to play with stupid people. The best way to gain playing experience and to learn how to play the game well is to read about it.

• A quick way to make some money is to stand outside the AH and offer to do free enchants with their materials. When they open the trade window and give you the mats, just take the stuff and run or logout real quick. They can't kill you because you're on the same side or you're not there at all!

The last and most important tip I can provide is that technically this is a "game". But don't take it so lightly. If the thought of progression isn't the driving force for you to play, you're in it for the wrong reasons. Fun is ancillary.

Have fun!

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http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/th...83629008&sid=1

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[Captin_55]

Nice very Nice

[Jidery]

Great +Rep

[xps980]

havent read all of it yet, but i was looking for one of these, + rep

[lag]

Hunters can only rez pets, and a mage can turn you in to a sheep.

I lawled! Nice one.

havent read all of it yet, but i was looking for one of these, + rep

I lawled again!

[Flying Piggy]

• The LFG (looking for Gold) feature can be tricky. It was nice of Blizz to incorporate a feature for players that need money, but the thing is that when there are like three or four people LFG who actually gets it? Still don't understand how that part works, but last I heard the GMs were devising a plan to fix it. I suggest they have all the players LFG meet in a LFG battlegrounds and mash it out for who gets to borrow the gold.

It all makes sence now .

PS : I think way too many people have seen this and thought it was a real guide on my realm .

[Papasmurf]

lolzzz i just almost cryed i laughed so hard. i wanna join Snitchstianity! lemme in imo...lolz

[Bokaz]

Pure classic +rep post more

[krlhnz]

Im way too lazy to read it all

[Gastricpenguin]

Dude i like your post alot. but uh....

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That phailed

[Holier Than Thou]

you can only have all the animals out at once if you own more than 4

I'm such a newb. I almost believed you xD

[Gastricpenguin]

also:

.-"""-----..._ _..-`-._
";--. <^"o"; "."" ."o"^> "-. _____________________
\_/\ `""" ^^^^_/"/ * *
/( "-._.-""/ \""--" |"\ * "For The

You win + rep

[Carmbas]

Epic. +Rep for sharing

[1MORPHINE]

super funny classic!

[Stefinos]

Hahaha, Un-****ing belivable>.< I love it.